Granpas Funeral

In my life I have witnessed very few humbling experiences. Attending Grandpas funeral will forever be held closely in my heart. I always knew what an exceptional man he was but seeing the people who attended the funeral and the service itself only testified that much more to me. It made me ask the question "What have I done with my life and what will my funeral be like? Will I have accomplished, and be as successful as he? I can tell you the answer now and thats NO. Grandpa served in the Military and was the Head Chief for the Sunset Fire Department. He worked hard to provide for his family, making it possible for his wife to stay at home. He was hard working and loving. I remeber a few years ago the table in our back yard blew over, me being lazy figured it could sit there till Brett got home. Grandpa was looking out at the chickens when he noticed the table and insisted on fixing it. I remember filling so guilty, what if he hurt himself. Thankfully he didn't and he also didn't like my help either. He was very independent to say the least.

4th of July

Or should I say 5th of July, I really dont like how Utah celebrates holidays on different days if it falls on a Sunday but whatever that whole day is a huge blur. Bretts grandpa passed away that morning and it just wasnt a good day at all. However we did have my Dad and Kristie and the kids come and watch fireworks from our house that night. But for the most part Milly spent the actual 4th still in the hospital and the 5th we were just trying to keep our heads above water with her.

Thanks Brett for making these they turned out great and it was fun to give to all our Hospital visitors
Which Included
Duane and Jill
Chris and family
Brian and family
My Dad
Kristie and family
Tanya and family
Danell and family

Hospital Stay

I cant begin to describe how much I loved Davis Hospital, I had the best nurses. They took such great care of us. Once I was feeling a little bit better from the move (for some reason it made me sick to my stomach to move rooms) I asked the nurse if I could take a shower, she said that she would have to monitor me for a while but than I could. After I showed her I was okay she finally let me, well still bad idea. I don't really remember much about it except for Brett yelling for a nurse to come help, I passed out in the shower. I do remember telling Brett I was fine that he didn't need a nurse, well so much for that the next thing I remember is I was in bed again so apparently I wasn't ready to take a shower and I wasn't okay. But with that being said that was the scariest thing that happened the whole time. I am okay and recovered fast and Milly is perfect. We loved our Nurse from Brazil she took extra care of us. Thanks to Brett. Davis hospital also does a candle light dinner for you one night the food was great Brett had a steak and I had salmon. We really enjoyed our time there and was not at all ready to go home. We stayed the Absolute Longest we could.

My Labor and Delivery

Well as much as I tried to get her to come on her own, she just wouldn't have it. I tried everything except the whole castrol oil, I wasn't going to go there. But Milly has a mind of her own. It was so funny to hear me talk on how I was going to have this baby and how thing would play out. ONe being that no matter what she would come on her own, well than we found out that my doctor would be out of town so we than decided that the latest would be the 4th. Well as time drew near and I became more and more miserable with being a whale and being uncomfortable I would have let them take her earlier than her due date. Well enough said I went in Friday morning a little before 8am to be induced. The first thing I had them do before anything else was have them check me, and unfortantly I was still a 2 which is what I had been for weeks. So the doctor came in broke my water and started the whole process. At this time I still was foolish and thought I could be induced without an epidural after all this was going to all be in my control. For those of you who dont know being induced makes your contractions come faster and stronger, so after 3 hours of sucking up this horrible pain I told them to check me again, I was still a 2. At that point I agreed to an epidural. Prior to all this Brett and I had been going to a birthing class and they told us that you should have a code name for an epidural. Well we had one but Brett knew better than to make me say it, he did not question my decisions at all. It than took the anastesologist at least another hour to get up here so once again I had them check me, if I had any progress I would continue to wait but nothing still a 2. He started to admister the epidural. One of the reasons I was not going to get one is because honestly that scared me more than giving birth but at that moment BRING IT ON. I know that the only way I was able to go through with it was becasue of all the pain casue I cant even remember it stinging or anything for that matter, in fact I wouldnt have known they even started doing anything if it wasnt for Bretts production, I wont post what he did he might be embarrased but lets just say the nurse told him to sit down and asked him if he needed some water, he is not a fan of blood and needless. Once the epidural kicked in WOW I was on easy street, I was happy again talking, and sleeping. I told Brett that all of what I said prior about not getting an epidural was JUST CRAZY TALK. Than around 3pm I started feeling some pain and asked the nurse if I could get some more relief, she needed to check me first and saw that I was a 10, so she left the room to get the doctor. The Epidural guy came in and started to unhook everything so I hurried and pushed the button, he looked at me and said "I already turned it off" I think he thought I was addicted or something even though I didn't push it the whole time. One more thing about the Labor, my doctor is big on everything is a "CRAP Shoot" his words, when we would ask him when he thought the baby would come towards the end of the pregnancy that is what he would tell us. Well let me just say that at 8am he left and said "alright I will plan on seeing you this after noon and having this baby born at 4pm'" Milly was born at 4:01pm so I lets just say for this next baby I'm not buying the whole crap shoot thing he knows more than he wants me to think. I pushed for an hour which was really annoying because I was trying so hard and I could tell by the way my doctor acted if I was doing good or not. If I did good he was looking down there, when I wasn't he was looking all around trying to watch the sticking tv or have conversations. I would say "Am I doing okay" his response "Oh yeah your doing great. I wanted to yell than stop talking and looking all over, it drove me nuts. After 55 minutes I was so tired mainly from being an idiot earlier and trying to fight off the pain without an epidural that we decided to get a vacuum and see if that would help and it did it was on there maybe 2 seconds and here she was. Although in all the videos from class it looked like once you got the head out the baby just comes out, Not really pushing her body still took a lot of effort and I was tired. Milly than went with the nurses as I began to get sowed up and deliver the placenta, the Doctor asked me if I wanted to see it, I told him I wasn't a fan of that kind of stuff, but now I think I maybe should have just glanced at it. Although I don't care that much I'm not losing sleep or anything over it. Shortly after my Dad and Kristie came and saw her as well as Jill and Duane. Than it was time to get a little cleaned up myself and move rooms.

I can't do it captain I don't have the Power

For those of you who wonder where I came up with that title, its from Ace Ventura. While I was pregnant and getting samples of diapers from stores I would love looking at just how tiny her little bum would be I love how small newborn diapers are. So knowing this I bet you can imagine how hard it is for me to make the switch to size ones. I cant do it, I would rather her have blow out after blow out than switch. So today when I ran out of newborns I decided to go buy some more even though I have more size ones than I think I could ever use (yeah right) but I do have a ton, however I don't care like I said I CANT DO IT. Although for some reason I think Milly is ready to go to ones because she would not be a happy girl today forcing me to hold her all day, literally I could not put her down she wouldn't sleep nothing, about mid day I thought what in the world is wrong and realized she had not pooped in 24 hours by now I was out of newborn diapers and forced to have her in ones. Well as you can probably guess she had a blow out and proved to me she needs to be in size ones. I Dont think any size could have held this in. Well Milly you got your way you can wear size ones (at least till tomorrow I still might buy some). If I dont though this is my saddest day I can except her growing up in a lot of ways but like Brett misses the frog pj's she just grew out of I will miss my newborn diapers.

My heart is so heavy as I begin this post that I cant even figure out where to start. On July 5th Brett received a phone call from his Dad telling him that grandpa had passed away, Brett was in the Laundry room at the time when I walked in to do something I remember looking at Brett's face and not even knowing who he could be talking too, felt and knew exactly what happened. I felt so guilty, I knew why and what he was living for, but I guess I thought I had just a little bit more time. My heart was so hurt by the fact that I didn't get little Milly over there to see him. Sunday night Grandpa was having a hard night he wasn't at all alert, until Jill brought over the picture of Milly, I am told that at that moment he was completely at peace and fine as he looked at her. Grandpa than asked if she was okay and healthy. That was it, he had served and fulfilled his mission here on earth and was ready to go home. I miss him so much, I have thought about him everyday and felt his assistance now as I take care of this little girl. I know every time I have had enough of the crying and feel I cant go on he is the one giving me the strength to go on, after all he is one of the strongest men I know. He severed his country proudly was a great father, grandfather and Great grandfather. I believe every time Milly is staring off and smiling she is looking at him as well as my mom. Grandpa Thank you for being who you are and were. Thank you for teaching me how to be strong, I have felt so hopeless at times with Milly but I have thought about you fighting Cancer so many times and overcoming other obstacles, and it gives me the power to push through. I cant imagine how hard it must have been this last time to go through treatments that weren't helping but just hoping and having the will power to hold on a little longer. Thank you for doing that for us and for Milly I cant wait to teach her about you. Thank you for being the husband you were, you and grandma were so cute together. Most of all Thank you for loving me I know you saw me as your own grandchild not just an in law. Most of all Thank you for all you did for myself Brett, and Milly

And this is My Joy